A holy shit moment
Recently I found the words and visuals for something I have always felt vaguely familiar.
Life runs in cycles. The phases of this particular cycle now make sense, and I turned them into a little diagram the way it makes the most sense for me.
BASICALLY, at any given time, I’m in one of four phases (all in relation to baseline, which fluctuates relative to the average outcomes of the four phases) –
On the whole, my thoughts, feelings and behaviours are surmounting me. Things become progressively more difficult.
I appreciate ‘self-destruction phase’ sounds quite dramatic… let’s just roll with it.
A minimum of usually three days, where I bring myself back to baseline, and shed the crumbs of self-destruction. This is the time where I start to feel ‘back at home’ in my body. I’m me again, hey.
This is just milling around at baseline. I’m pretty happy here. Things aren’t getting better or worse.
The least common phase… but this where and when I can actively feel myself levelling up – my baseline is increasing.
SO with all that in mind, there are some more things I have learned about the cycle.
Most importantly, none of the phases last forever.
They’ll exhaust themselves eventually. This is especially important to remember while in a ‘self-destructive’ phase. Knowing and trusting it’ll end makes the hard shit easier to endure. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One breath at a time if that’s all you can manage.
The phases don’t strictly occur in that order.
I recently went from a two-week mild self-destructive phase, into a five day repair, and then back into a self-destructive phase 🙃some days it do be like that.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself.
Being hard on yourself makes everything harder. If being kind to yourself is too hard, be your own child and take care of that lil bebe real good.
Progress doesn’t mean that self-destructive phases don’t occur.
Sorry – that might sound like news to some of you. The good news however, is that progress looks like self-destructive phases getting shorter, they’re less severe, and they are further apart.